• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5

The one-man Black Metal band has gotten a fair bit of mileage out of the Myspace craze, being given the opportunity to get their music heard by more than just their two friends. But when you are a one-man band and release two albums under different band names you have to start thinking that the whole phenomena is starting to eat itself (mmm…tastes like chicken…evil chiken). Well that's exactly what Helnakstav has done, releasing albums from both Infiinite Hatred and Qrujhuk, and given that they sound largely the same you really have to wonder why the fuck would he do that? (He doesn't even have a Myspace page!)

On Triumph of the Glorious Blasphemy Helnakstav has produced an album that is pretty much identical to Hateful Spell. Sounding very much like it was recorded in a public toilet rather than the nebulous interior of some ancient castle in the woods which was likely the intention. The drums are pushed way back in the mix, which is probably a good thing as they rarely hold on actual beat, stopping and starting all over the place like the drummer needs a break due to over exertion. But he doesn't because he's a machine, and it sounds like Helnakstav has hovered over it and pressed the buttons manually rather than programmed them. The guitars are needle thin and absolutely ripe with reverb while a very prominent bass kind of warbles along under them. It is refreshing to be able to hear the bass lines on a Black Metal album but it's a missed opportunity since it follows the guitars most of the time and doesn't have the bottom end required to do the job. The vocals are also painted yellow with reverb (yellow is a good colour) and rise and fall in volume for some weird reason, perhaps in a misguided attempt at dynamics, but more likely due to what must be a shoestring budget. They are not too bad to be honest being very harsh and distant with a croaky undertone, but are completely indistinct sounding like a bunch of screaming and shouting with nothing to indicate any words are even being used.

You know things are bad when the album's highlights are the atmospheric intro and interludes. "Winds of Curse" (parts one, two and three) have blustery winds and rain sounds under an acoustic piece which actually has a very nice tone, but otherwise we are treated to utterly spasmodic tremolo riffs. "The Truth" opens with an embarrassing riff that sounds like Helnakstav has sprained his wrist but in the tradition of stick-to-it-iveness decided to soldier on and record anyway. We are then "treated" to six minutes of very bland riffing and just mind boggling vocals that seem to randomly croak and bark through the riffs. It just makes no sense. NO SENSE I TELLS YA! Special mention needs to be made of the hilariously titled "Posers Killer From Hell" – it truly must be heard to be believed. In fact, I'm listening to it right now and smiling like an idiot trying not to laugh, but failing. Note that this is not the "laughing with" kind of laughter that most aspire to inspire, but more of a "laughing because it's more polite than jumping over the table and knifing the person who made you listen to this" kind of laugh.

Triumph of the Glorious Blasphemy is possibly worth picking up just so you can pull it off your shelf and hand it to whoever just asked what the worst album you own is – it'll save you having to think about it. But if you already have a clearly defined favourite terrible album then there really is no reason to think about possibly wanting to consider buying this.