The Metal Crypt - Feature: Enough Already!

Enough Already!

I think this mallcore (aka "nu-metal") joke has lasted long enough. No seriously, we're long passed the point where all those bands started sounding alike, bringing nothing new except maybe some ridiculous clown costumes (that have nothing to do with the sound anyway). Large labels are, once again, signing any talentless act that sounds like that awful trend. My guess is, this can't last much longer.

Mallcore has recently been compared to the 80s' "glam-metal" trend, and to some extent, the comparison holds. A couple of bands came up with a sound commercial (dumbed down) enough to gain popularity, made it big with strong label support, then the next thing you know, every label was signing any band with long hair and makeup, just like today's trend is to sign anything with baggy pants and more piercings than hair. Sickening isn't it? Well it doesn't stop there. Mallcore has actually dumbed down today's youth. Ever had an Internet discussion with one of those mallcore kids? If yes then you know what's coming: aLtErNaTiNg caps, grossly abbreviated words (u, cuz, nu, r), "s" replaced by "z" (kidz, rulez, ownz, etc.) What the fuck is this shit? As if illiteracy wasn't already a problem, it's now become a trend to write like a retard! Sickening. There's only one positive thing I can possibly see in the mallcore trend: Baggy pants. Yes, the kids do look absolutely ridiculous in them, but I'm sure the public works crews in cities like the fact that it eases the sweeping of the sidewalks.

Let's talk sound a little. Those bands practically all sound the same, or have very little variation in sound. I guess that comes with using only 3 chords on their guitars. Add to this some whiny screams, hell I won't even call that singing -especially when a large number of mallcore bands rap- and the "wooh I'm pissed" look they're trying to give themselves (come on, even your little sister must be laughing to death). I'll pass on the clown crap such as Slipknot, ICP and Mudvayne, they're pathetic enough without me needing to add anything. Those bands sound like crap and have a crappy retarded image. Hey, while I'm at it, what's with the jumping at shows? Don't they feel they look stupid enough already?

Ok.. There's no accounting for taste. Some people will find that music appealing (for some strange, perverted reason). That's fine. It's your right. I don't care. Just keep this in mind: IT'S NOT METAL. I don't care if YOU "consider it metal", it's not. It lacks the most basic elements of metal. Noisy and heavy guitars don't make a music metal. It's not because Ozzy takes them on OzzFest that they are metal (OzzFest turned into Crapfest years ago.) Note that this text is just a rant and does not aim at providing proof that mallcore bands are not metal: It's hard to explain this to people who wouldn't know good music if it hit them right in the face, and I just don't feel like wasting any more of my time. For this I suggest you check the Metal-Rules.com FAQ which offers a somewhat detailed analysis.

The joke has lasted long enough. It's not even funny anymore. I'm just wondering what crap some loser is going to come up with for the next trend. I'm sure it won't be pretty.