The Metal Crypt

Discussion Forums => Metal Discussions => Topic started by: sylvanliege on August 18, 2015, 06:26:23 PM

Title: Appreciation Thread
Post by: sylvanliege on August 18, 2015, 06:26:23 PM
"a falsetto screech that sounds like someone is torturing a dwarf inside a helium tank."

 :lol Oh man.
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: MetalCrypt on August 18, 2015, 07:05:19 PM
 :bow:
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: Sargon the Terrible on August 18, 2015, 11:47:03 PM
Heh  8)
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: sylvanliege on September 29, 2015, 12:07:04 PM
"If quality Viking Metal with lots of melody helps you put your back into the rowing of the longboat (...)"

Longboats powered by metal are the future.  :headbang:
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: MetalMike on September 29, 2015, 09:27:10 PM
"If quality Viking Metal with lots of melody helps you put your back into the rowing of the longboat (...)"

Longboats powered by metal are the future.  :headbang:

That sounds familiar...
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: Eternal_Sorrow on October 08, 2015, 07:27:21 AM
"He sounds like John Rhys-Davies at a poetry slam – that shit is just too much."

I think Sargon is the most quotable of any reviewer here.  Here is another gem!!

"This is in no way a metal album, and yet it keeps getting strong reviews from people who wouldn't know a metal album from a semen-filled goat anus."
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: sylvanliege on October 08, 2015, 09:57:38 AM
The main reviewers all craft good turns of phrase into their reviews. It's clear they enjoy writing.
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: MetalMike on October 12, 2015, 03:17:04 PM
Writing is Sargon's craft and he clearly takes great pride in what he does. His reviews were the reason I started hanging around here.

I feel like mine are much more "utilitarian" and the reason I do them, besides sharing my love (or hate, depending on the album) of Metal with like-minded fans, is to try and get better at writing what is my native language. I appreciate Michel giving me the chance to do this. If something I write brings a smirk to someone's face once in a while, all the better.  :naughty:
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: SentFromValhalla on October 17, 2015, 12:49:08 PM
"Fuck Opeth." XD
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: metaldomdom on October 17, 2015, 06:52:56 PM
Been coming here since at least 15 years, joined the forum around 5 years ago. It's the first site I check in the morning. Every reviewer knows their stuffs. I have discovered many bands because of them. Hope you'll still be here 20 years from now
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: sylvanliege on October 18, 2015, 06:31:02 AM
"The song's main riff is heavier than wet trousers and the gloomy, doomy beginning is a storm warning."

 :cheers:
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: sylvanliege on February 23, 2016, 11:20:07 AM
"Let it be said that Heavy Metal bands know a good thing when they hear it. Let it also be said that Heavy Metal bands will ride that good thing into the ground." — Metal Mike
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: MetalMike on February 23, 2016, 06:51:09 PM
"Let it be said that Heavy Metal bands know a good thing when they hear it. Let it also be said that Heavy Metal bands will ride that good thing into the ground." — Metal Mike
8)
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: Menternor on February 23, 2016, 10:51:03 PM
He's long gone, but this is a classic.

(http://i1300.photobucket.com/albums/ag87/Menternor/UG_zps8wujjhrw.jpg)

Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: Luxi on February 24, 2016, 08:51:50 AM
"Seriously, I'd rather nail my nutsack to a workbench than to listen to this again."

"In fact, I think I deserve a fucking medal for listening to it in all of its smegma encrusted glory." (http://www.metalcrypt.com/pages/review.php?revid=3098)

 :blobdance:
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: MetalMike on February 24, 2016, 07:18:22 PM
"Seriously, I'd rather nail my nutsack to a workbench than to listen to this again."

"In fact, I think I deserve a fucking medal for listening to it in all of its smegma encrusted glory." (http://www.metalcrypt.com/pages/review.php?revid=3098)

 :blobdance:

That has Sargon written all over it  :lol
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: Sargon the Terrible on February 25, 2016, 01:20:51 AM
That's not me
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: MetalMike on February 25, 2016, 06:14:35 AM
 
That's not me

 :peep:

Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: MetalMike on March 20, 2016, 09:33:38 PM
"Omnium Gatherum are getting quite a bit of press, mostly I think from people who wouldn't know good metal from hickory-smoked horse buttholes."

Now there's an analogy you don't hear every day  :lol
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: Eternal_Sorrow on March 21, 2016, 04:45:38 PM
"If you expect Folk Metal to be laid-back and moody, then you are about to get your nutsack ripped off"

Metal that rips your nut sack off... interesting haha.

"It has been extremely difficult to review this, as listening to it at all causes me extreme pain"

Music that causes pain!!

"At least now they're being truthful, and showing the world the blackest depths of their inner selves, bleeding mascara and crying blood as they slit their wrists while looking into their parents' bathroom mirror, clad in Avenged Sevenfold shirts and girls jeans."

This ones always worth a chuckle.


Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: MetalMike on June 09, 2016, 02:54:15 PM
From Sargon's review of the 2nd Divina Enema CD: Again, the vocals are carried out with a painful disregard for tone, key, or meter.  :lol :lol :lol

I literally laughed out loud. If you have not read both Divina Enema reviews, get thee hence and prepare to be amused  :headbang:

Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: Eternal_Sorrow on June 09, 2016, 03:45:29 PM
From Sargon's review of the 2nd Divina Enema CD: Again, the vocals are carried out with a painful disregard for tone, key, or meter.  :lol :lol :lol

I literally laughed out loud. If you have not read both Divina Enema reviews, get thee hence and prepare to be amused  :headbang:

I think this line from his review of their first album takes the cake!!

"Maybe we'll get lucky and Bush will invade Belarus next, it might not be as entertaining as Iraq, but if even one member of this band died it would be worth the trouble."
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: Sargon the Terrible on June 09, 2016, 04:16:38 PM
From Sargon's review of the 2nd Divina Enema CD: Again, the vocals are carried out with a painful disregard for tone, key, or meter.  :lol :lol :lol

I literally laughed out loud. If you have not read both Divina Enema reviews, get thee hence and prepare to be amused  :headbang:

I dare you to look them up on Youtube and actually listen to that band.  They were the worst
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: Eternal_Sorrow on June 09, 2016, 05:34:55 PM
I dare you to look them up on Youtube and actually listen to that band.  They were the worst

Sadly I did just that... my psyche is now damaged beyond repair :(
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: Mjölnir on June 09, 2016, 07:29:43 PM
I dare you to look them up on Youtube and actually listen to that band.  They were the worst
Absolutely.  I listened to about a minute of their first album before turning it off in horror.  I listened to literally a second of their second one, cried in pain, and nearly broke my mouse turning it off.  Those mental scars will never heal  :nervous:
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: MetalMike on June 09, 2016, 09:27:21 PM
I dare you to look them up on Youtube and actually listen to that band.  They were the worst

Not on your life, I believed every word. And they made me laugh so I wanted to share  :naughty:
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: sylvanliege on June 18, 2016, 03:18:49 PM
These two reviews are absolutely quintessential.  :cheers:
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: sylvanliege on August 15, 2016, 06:51:21 AM
"[...] if you try to really pay attention to this, you will fall asleep."

Admirable.
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: Mjölnir on August 15, 2016, 09:27:08 AM
"[...] if you try to really pay attention to this, you will fall asleep."

Admirable.
In the same vein, and also quite funny:
"This is the kind of album that, if you played it backwards, you'd hear Satan snoring".
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: ReignInBloodyGore on August 17, 2016, 12:32:01 AM
Although most of these posts are quote based, I wanted to express my appreciation in the original way I interpretted the topic.

I accidentally stumbled across this site back in 2001 when I was in about 8th grade or so. Was pretty deep into black metal back then. The reviews here showed me a whole new world of metal I would look for in local shops, mostly Hastings, for the next several years. I used to come to the site anytime I changed musical interests or went through new metal phases. I've once again turned to a new phase in the last year, loving old school thrash and death/thrash releases. Once again this site was incredibly helpful.

I had no idea there was a forum until a month ago, which is why I recently joined. Thanks for all the reviews!  It's very helpful for me to find what I'm looking for.

Also, you're all quite quotable, and it's fun to read everyone's reviews.
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: sylvanliege on August 21, 2016, 07:04:10 AM
"I read a review once years ago that essentially said that Kreator had spent their career 'chasing Slayer'. Well they have not only caught Slayer, but skinned and gutted them."

Exemplary.
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: sylvanliege on October 16, 2016, 07:57:57 AM
"the dark and frost-raped lands of Finland"

Evocative.
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: sylvanliege on January 16, 2017, 09:53:56 AM
"They would switch straight from BM blasting to polka-whooping folk reels and it was like downshifting from fifth gear to reverse."

Hails.
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: sylvanliege on April 11, 2017, 06:57:41 PM
"Seriously, when you are out-heavied by "More Than A Feeling" it is time to fire your producer."

 :cheers:
Title: Re: Appreciation Thread
Post by: Uncle Daddy on April 11, 2017, 08:51:30 PM
 :lol