Tasteless jokes part 676

[News]

News

[Stats]

Stats

[AntePavelic]

Whats the difference between a dead baby and a rock?
You cant fuck a rock.

Whats the difference between a ferrari and ten dead hookers?
I havnt got a ferrari in my garage.

Bill walks into the pub and joins his mates at a table.
" hey guys, i was walking home last night and met a girl at the train track and ended up fucking her! "
" Nice one Bill! " the others say cheerfully
" what did she look like? " one of them asks.
" Dunno, couldnt find her head " says bill.

A guy walks into a brothel and sees an advert for ' The singing blow job.'
He goes up to the pimp woman and she explains that for 50 quid you can get a blow job,
and further more the girl doing it will sing to you.
He thinks about it and decides to give it a shot.
He is led into a dark room, his trousers are taken down and he is given a blow job,
the woman giving it also sings perfectly whilst doing it. He is quite simply amazed.
He decides to go back the following day after puzzling as to how she managed to sing, and give him head.
With a torch in his pocket, he hands over the 50 quid and enters the room.
As the ladys sucks on his meat and is halfway through the first verse of the theme tune for scooby doo he turns
the light on, finds the light swicth and the room fills with light.
The hooker runs to the corner of the room hideing her face. He looks down and notices a glass eye on the table.

How do you know when your sister is ON?
When your dads dick tastes funny.

Whats sicker than a dead baby in a bin?
A dead baby in ten bins.

What's better than winning 5 gold medals at the para-olympics?
Walking.

"What's the difference between a pimple and a priest?
A pimple doesn't come on your face until you're 13".

How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar-boy.

What should a battered woman do as soon as she gets out of the women's shelter?
The dishes if she knows what's good for her!!!

What do you do after youve just raped a deaf and dumb girl?
Cut off her hands so she cant tell the Police.

whats black and blue and hates sex?
a rape victim

Little Barry was blind. Someone had just given him a silver coated cheese grater for his birthday.
When asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read.

Toby had a little baby.
His case comes up next week.

What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas?
Cancer.

A girl is watching her father shower.
She points to his penis and says,
"Daddy, when will I get one of those?"
He looks at his watch and says,
"When your mother leaves for work."

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news.
The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs,
and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

Where's the best place to dump your girlfriend?
A shallow grave in the woods.

What did the little blind boy lose on the floor at church?
His virginity.

What's the difference between a dead baby and foreskin?
I haven't got foreskin on the end of my dick.

How do you make a woman shut up after fucking her?
Tell her you have AIDS.

What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing razor blade.

Billy phones work. " boss man, i cant come to work today, im sick. "
" Whats wrong? " asks boss man.
" im in bed with a 12 year old. "

Whats more innapropriate than laughing when someone gets run over by a car?
Having sex with thier crumpled body whilst waiting for the ambulance.

A new mother is waiting in her hospital bed to see her baby for the first time
when the doctor comes into the room holding it. Suddenly,
the doctor slams the baby to the floor and begins jumping up and down on it.
"Stop, stop!" sceams the mother, "what in Goats name are you doing?!"
"April fool," laughs the Doctor, "he was already dead!"

What's the best thing about fucking a two year old?
Your cock looks huge in the photographs!

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A paedophile.

A little girl is taking a shower with her grandmother. She looks down between her grandmother's legs and says,
"Nana, what's that?"
"That's my beaver."
A few days later the little girl is showering with her mother.
She points between her mother's legs and says, "Mommy, I know what that is. That's your beaver!"
"That's right," says the mother. "How did you know?"
"Nana told me," says the girl, "but I think her beaver's dead -- its tongue was hanging out."

A man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my arse"
The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let me have a look".
"Goat crippens!" says the doctor, " what could have made a hole as big as that?"
The man replies I've been fucked by an elephant."
The doctor says "An elephant's penis is long and thin, this hole is massive."
The man replies "He fingered me first."

Q. Why did Hitler kill himself?
A. He got his gas bill.

A pedo cunt is walking through the woods with a small child.
" Jeez mister, these woods are real creepy. Im scared. " Says the child.
" Your Scared? What about me? Ive got to come back through here by myself! " Says the pedo wank stain.

[Sirliftsalot48]

What should a battered woman do as soon as she gets out of the women's shelter?
The dishes if she knows what's good for her!!!

I just love woman bashing jokes.

[Sextus Loverlord]

A-class material. 

[Acolyte]

What did the black kid get for christmas?
My bike.

[Mark666]

Wow the Police are going to be busing down your door, but some were funny.

[Brewdog]

 

[METAL QUEEN]

 

[Lars]

I wore my Saddam Hussein T-shirt the other day... it's tight round the neck but it hangs well 

[Duffman]

What do you tell a women with two black eyes?
nothing she's already been told twice.

What do you do if your wife comes and sits next to you on the couch?
Go into the kitchen and shorten her chain.

Why don't women drive?
There's no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.

Why don't women need watches?
There's a clock on the oven.

Why did the women cross the road?
Who cares, what's she doing outside of the kitchen?

[wolverine666]

Fucking tasteless is right.
 

[Worm]

Q: Why are aspirins white?
A: Because they work.

[Balorbeast]

What do you call a black priest?
Holy shit

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
You ever try to take a rib from a nigger?

[Worm]

Q: How do you make a two-year-old girl cry twice?

A: Wipe your bloody cock on her teddy bear

[Duffman]

Q: How do you make a two-year-old girl cry twice?

A: Wipe your bloody cock on her teddy bear

That is quite possibly the most tasteless joke posted in this thread thus far. I commend you for that.

Come on wolverine666 there has to be one of these jokes that you laughed at.

[Brewdog]

Q: How do you make a two-year-old girl cry twice?

A: Wipe your bloody cock on her teddy bear

Now THAT may well be the most tasteless joke I've ever heard- online or offline. It's certainly in the top 5.

I guess it's time I added a couple- my apologies if anyone's heard any of them before;

Q: How many does it take to bury a Black man?
A: Seven- 6 to carry the coffin, 1 to carry his boombox.

Q: What's the difference between a Black man and a tire?
A: A tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.

Q: How do you empty a place full of Mexicans?
A: Yell "IMMIGRATION!!".

Q: What do you call a Mexican baptism?
A: Bean dip.

Q: What's the main objective of a Jewish football team?
A: To get the quarterback.

Q: Has anyone seen the new Israeli sports car?
A: It can stop on a dime and pick it up too.

When Michael Jackson was on trial for child molestation, he was considering getting on the stand to testify. His lawyers were against it, but his doctor said it was the only way his nose would grow back.

There was this one boy who used to hang out at the local pool hall. One day, someone there says "Goddamn!!". That night the boy asked his parents what "Goddamn" means. Not wanting to tell him what it really means, they tell him "It means a priest". The boy bought this and went back to the pool hall the next week, where someone said "Shit!". Once again, he asked his parents what "shit" meant, and they said "It means food". The week after that, he was back at the pool hall, and someone said "Fuck!!". Of course he asked his parents what "fuck" meant, and they said "It means Mommy and Daddy getting dressed". The next evening, his parents were having a priest over for supper, and the boy answered the door, saying "Goddamn, shit's on the table, and Mommy and Daddy are upstairs fucking".

 Cattle Decapitation- "Polyps"